2:30PM I can’t wait to get home. I think I will warm up a cup of coffee and read for a little bit while Sam has his quiet time. I might even go sit with him and read James and the Giant Peach aloud for a bit. He would like that. Then again, I could start dinner and listen to a podcast… Maybe if I do that, I will get ahead this afternoon and will be able to put the kids to bed early tonight so Jeff and I can have some time together before bed. That’s what I’ll do! I’ll have the kids bathed, lunches packed, clothes laid out, and dinner ready when Jeff gets home. Then we can all hang out until bedtime, and still have time to watch Making a Murderer for an hour or so afterwards. Yes! I’m going to do that EVERY night from now on.
3:30PM I must have slept horribly last night; I’m exhausted. I think I’ll just close my eyes for a 20 minute power nap. Surely that will be better for me than drinking more caffeine. Then, when my alarm goes off, I’ll hop to it with my plan… Sam is making SO much noise in his room. What part of “quiet” time does he not understand? He’s probably going to wake up Nora. I better get up and get a few things done before then… So much for that power nap. Now I’ve wasted 20 minutes trying to go to sleep but am just as exhausted as before. Guess I will drink that cup of coffee after all… Maybe if I go to the gym for a little bit that will give me more energy for the evening? If I do that, am I the worst mom ever for sending my kids to childcare when I JUST got home? No. I want them to see that my health is important to me. I’ll be a better mom if I feel good and have more energy. Sam loves it there. Sam probably NEEDS to go to the gym. He has so much energy, and I can’t keep up. Now… about dinner…
4:30PM Is going to the gym a terrible idea? Nora is still sleeping. Aren’t you never supposed to wake a sleeping baby? I could probably put a movie on for Sam and get that power nap after all. Or at least get everything else done so I can go to bed early. But if I let Nora keep sleeping, she will never go to bed tonight. I’m putting on gym clothes…. UGH. I forgot to pump. I will let Sam watch ONE show while I pump, then I’ll get dressed for the gym and prep dinner so we only have to put it the oven when I get home. It will be OK if Nora sleeps for just thirty more minutes.
5:30PM Why did I decide to come to the gym? I know better than to come at this time of the day… I just wasted 15 minutes looking for a parking space, and Nora is screaming because she’s hungry. This was a terrible idea…
6:30PM I’m even more exhausted from my “work-out.” Can I even call 30 minutes of WALKING on the treadmill a workout? The childcare lady said Nora didn’t drink any of her bottle. Awesome. Thankfully Jeff put dinner in the oven when he got home, but it will still be close to 7 before we actually sit down to eat. So much for “family time.” We will have to go right up for baths after dinner. I should have stuck to my original plan and done all of that this afternoon… Speaking of which, why hasn’t that coffee kicked in?!?
7:30PM I’ve hardly gotten to hold Nora at all this afternoon. She’s going to be up in the middle of the night wanting time with me. By nine months old, I know she should be sleeping through the night – or at least is very “trainable” – but how can I say ‘no’ when she just wants to be with me? I shouldn’t have gone to the gym… Jeff is giving the kids baths. I know he is tired too. I’ll just quick get the kitchen cleaned up, pack lunches, make coffee, unpack our bags from the day and repack them for tomorrow, get the kids’ laundry out of the dryer and put it away before they go to sleep, and warm up Nora’s bottle. As long as I get all that done before eight, we should still be on track to watch Netflix and veg a bit tonight.
8:30PM Nora is still wide awake, and I’m exhausted. She just ate enough to make up for a whole day of “snacking.” I’ probably won’t get any milk when I pump tonight… Jeff tucked Sam in, but he is waiting for me because I promised a chapter of James. I shouldn’t have made that promise… I just remembered that I have a set of essays I HAVE to return to my students tomorrow. I guess I can grade them while we watch TV…
9:30PM Nora is finally asleep, and when I went in to read to Sam he was out too. I feel bad that I didn’t read to him. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we will read during his quiet time – as soon as I get home. No excuses… Jeff finished cleaning up the kitchen, but we are both WAY too tired to do anything else by now. He’s getting in bed. If only I didn’t have these blasted papers to grade. WHY did I wait until the last minute to start them!?! I guess I could always go to bed early and wake up early to work… That’s what I’ll do! I’ll feel so much better in the morning after a good night’s sleep.
10:30PM I forgot I had to pump. Why does that always take so much longer than I budget? I should have graded essays while I pumped, but that just feels weird to me… If I go to sleep RIGHT NOW, I can wake up at 4:30 and still get six hours of sleep. Six hours isn’t great, but, it’s pretty good… Maybe I’ll be able to squeeze in a little nap tomorrow afternoon while Sam has his quiet time…
3:30AM Oh hey Sam. Great to see you. Sure, join us in this Queen size bed. The more the merrier. Don’t mind me, I’ll just lay here teetering on the edge of the mattress until I hear your sister crying at the exact moment I finally drift back to sleep. Make yourself comfortable…
4:30AM I really need to do some sleep training with Nora. She eats like crazy in the middle of the night, so I know she’s hungry though. If I could just pump a little more for her during the day, maybe she’d do better at night… She wants to cuddle too though. I can’t blame her. I hardly saw her at all yesterday. We’ll just lay here for a few minutes with her… As long as I get up by 5, I should still have time to get those essays graded!!!
5:30AM Oh my gosh! It’s 5:30. I should have known I would sleep past 5!!! Is there any chance that is snowed last night?!?! Nope. OK. I’ve got this… I’ll grade papers for thirty minutes, then shower, and pump while I get ready. I should still be able to get to work by 7:00, which gives me 30 minutes to finish grading before class starts. That’s totally doable… Man, why am I SO tired? I’m definitely going to need coffee before I can do anything with my mind… I’ll unload the dishwasher really quickly while the coffee brews… And pack a lunch… And respond to a quick email…
6:30AM – Oh my gosh! I have to be at work in THIRTY minutes!! I am going to be so late! Why do I do this to myself every.single.day?!?! Tomorrow I will start fresh. Tomorrow I will be on time and get myself together…
DISCLAIMER: This is really meant to be in good fun. I realized while I was typing it out that, while these are 100% my real thoughts most days of the week, written out they seem a lot more depressing than they are in real life. This is just the season I’m in. There are SO many good things too… There are (sometimes) days when things DO go as planned – when I get to play cars with Sam, rock Nora for an excessive amount of time, have a good conversation with Jeff, and get more than 7 hours of sleep. Those days exist too. I’d imagine many of you can relate to the days like the one above; but, in case you can’t, don’t worry about me. 🙂
P.S. Mid-month Confessions are back tomorrow!!
I woke up at 6:15 (way too late) this morning in my exact work outfit from yesterday, including my hair still in a bun, my jewelry on, my contacts in, and my teeth obviously not brushed. And people think I have it together. Ha!
I wish I could comment with that emoji with the big eyes and red cheeks. uh, yeah I’m never having kids. 😉
You crack me up! I LOVE this post. So honest. XO
I’m usually not such a frequent comment-er, but oh my goodness I get it! Yesterday I rocked having two kids, spent quality time with both of them, cleaned, cooked, not too much tv. Today, tv all morning while I tried to nap, lots of discipline issues, both of them sobbing at the same time for half an hour and the house is a mess. And I keep forgetting to get fish out of the freezer to thaw. And changed from one pair of yoga pants to another after my shower. Lol such is life and I can’t imagine working full time on top of having two kids, you are doing great!
Are you in my head? This is me most days. My eleven-month old should be sleeping through the night, but 3 AM is snack and cuddle time. I should be up by 5:30 and out the door by 8 (classes start at 8:45) after sending my daughter to school and dropping off my son. I should be home by 5 to do all those chores, grade those essays, and be in bed by 10, but I am not. You are so not alone!! Every day gives us a new chance to be better, but I know life is imperfect and so am I. Like you, I will be grateful for the good days and get through the crazy ones!
PS. I envy your work times.
Dani R. says
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!! So funny and so so true. Even for us who don’t have littles yet hahah. Thank you for being so honest. Now I dont feel so bad 🙂
Thank you for this. . .I am NOT alone in this craziness after all!
Honestly, most of your posts could be based on my life. We do have a lot in common: I am an English teacher; my undergraduate degree is from Clemson (’03); and I have two little ones! Keep the posts coming.
I have been in your shoes. It is not easy. There are good days; however, when you teach and have littles, you feel you live in a constant fog of no sleep, guilt, and a to do list you will never complete. Somehow, it all gets done eventually- even the grading! It’s hard to savor the moments; however, this is all temporary. Soon, (before you know it) you will be busy juggling how you can attend your kid’s school events. (This is super hard because you can’t leave your class to be in their class.) Then, it’s juggling the games and lessons outside of school.
Be gentle on yourself and go to the gym when it works! Don’t force it!
My thoughts often were similar pre-baby (look at all the time I have to accomplish things and somehow I ended up napping instead) but now with a 7 week old I’m not sure I have coherent thoughts at all haha!
This is soooo accurate for me some days. Thank you for being so real!
I also have to add that I read your post about “measuring up” the other day, thinking that you are the one I have in mind when I’m thinking about someone I don’t measure up to . . . so I hope that makes you feel better! Haha!
This is a great post! I can totally relate. Parenting is so exhausting and there’s never enough time for everything. Good job going to the gym! That’s way better than me lately!