On Marriage, The Bachelor, and Why I KIND-OF Believe in “The Process”

It’s no secret around these parts that I’m a total Bachelor/Bachelorette Junkie.  Not only did I plan my full day around Monday night’s premiere, but I also made it a point to watch Josh and Andi on the morning talk show circuit Tuesday. I just love it!

(I haven’t been doing re-caps since I started my new blog, but if you are looking for some good ones try Sharleen’s blog – YES, the former Bachelor contestant… How are we just now finding her?!?! – or I Hate Green Beans – which is just hilarious.)

For the most part, I really just like it for the drama/fun aspect of it and to see the clothes that the girls are wearing each week.  I also like seeing the clothes that the girls are wearing each week, and I really like the standing date with my girlfriends for Monday nights.  It’s a win – win. BUT, I have to admit, every once in a while, I get drawn in to the love story aspect, and I find myself actually kind-of of believing in “the process” of it all a little bit too.

Sean and Catherine were the first to steal my heart.  (Or, at least the first in recent history.) I just adored Sean, and I really felt like his feelings towards Catherine were genuine.  Since then, I follow both of them on social media, and just love what a “regular” couple they are, and they seem to adore each other even now that the cameras are (mostly) off.  I realize that the track record isn’t great (according to this article from E!Online, there are only about five married couples from the show – out of more than 25 seasons – and that includes Jason and Molly Mesnick – Molly was actually the runner-up – and Dez and Chris who haven’t officially tied the knot yet), but I still think the process CAN work… Here’s why:

I really do believe that, ultimately, love is a CHOICE.

This is going to sound kind-of crazy coming from someone like me (especially someone who married the boy she fell in love with when she was 17), but I’ve said many times before that I think deciding who you are going to marry is really more a decision of who you happen to be in a relationship with when YOU are mature enough and ready to make the decision to commit to someone.  Let me explain…

I love Jeff with all of my heart, and I absolutely believe that God had a plan and brought us together on purpose.  However, I don’t really believe in the “soul mate” thing.  Thinking that there is just one person in the whole world that’s right for you, sets us up for feeling A LOT of pressure during the “search” and even more pressure and expectation once you think you’ve finally found “the one.”

Falling in love – the fun, romantic stage that every relationship experiences to some extent (granted, not usually while traveling the world and dating 6 other people) – is the easy part. The real CHALLENGE (and the real BEAUTY) of marriage is what comes in regular life – laundry, bills, jobs, kids, etc.  And, really, in The Bachelor/ette’s defense, I don’t think many people actually get to experience that stuff (at least not all of it) before the ring.

NO. I don’t love the concept of dating multiple people at once (and I certainly don’t love the whole “Fantasy Suite” deal); but, in some crazy way, I kind-of GET how someone (especially put in the specific circumstances a contestant on the show is given) can “fall in love” with two people and, ultimately, CHOOSE just one.

It’s all about the choice.

It’s about choosing that HE is the one you want to do real life with.  He’s the one you will still love even when you aren’t as “in love.”

On “After the Final Rose” Monday night, I kind-of appreciated it when Andi said that, in the end, it just came down to being “more in love” with Josh than Nick.  Hate her all you want, but I think that’s a fair statement.

She CHOSE Josh. (And, it’s important to note, he chose her too.  It’s a two way street.  100%)

If she wants her relationship to stand the test of time, she’ll have to continue CHOOSING him every.single.day from here on out (and vice versa), but it starts with a choice.

There have been a lot of skeptics surrounding Andi’s season so far – and I get that – but, really, I like she and Josh together a lot.  Although I didn’t agree with all of her choices on the season (hello, Nick?), I do think – in general – she seems to have a good head on her shoulders and took the process seriously.  Even from early on – and, yes, even despite the “jock” factor – I thought the same of Josh. They seem SO happy  and real.  Serious about their relationship, but not too serious – still playful and fun and just plain cute.  Plus, at least based on the interviews I’ve seen etc., they seem to both be mature enough to “get” that it won’t all be roses (haha) and beaches in the real world… I also think the fact that they are considering a spring wedding and not messing around with it is a good sign.  (If you know it’s always going to be your CHOICE to love someone, why put off the wedding?  YOU are in control of your choices.  Not fate.) I really really hope it’s going to work out for them; and, at least right now, I kind-of feel like it will. (Also, I mean, I have to mention that they are probably the most BEAUTIFUL Bachelorette couple EVER – and that’s saying a lot!!)

So… There’s some silly-deep thoughts on reality TV couples for your Friday! 🙂

Enjoy your weekend!

E

P.S. I just wrote all this out and then found this article on Sean Lowe warning Andi about expectations and “the choice.”  I always knew I liked him… 😉