This will be quick today, and I realize it has been said a million and one times already, but since people keep making the same mistake OVER AND OVER again, it warrants being said again…
When you see an obviously pregnant woman, no matter how strong the urge is, JUST DON’T comment on her size.
“Wow, you are really showing now.” – Not OK. (Especially if you have said this every week for the last three months. Also, do you think I somehow missed my belly when I got dressed this morning?)
“Is this baby going to be regular sized or big?” – Not OK. (I’m not even sure what that means… No, they are not monitoring me for the risk of delivering a Sasquatch. Otherwise, how would I know?)
“You will never make it until your due date; you’re about to pop.” – Not OK. (Actually, this is exceptionally rude because, truth be told, it’s dangerous for babies to be born too early. Besides, to my knowledge, no pregnant woman has ever actually “popped.” #mighthavetogooglethat)
Any variation of any of the above – Not OK.
*I’ve already gotten two out of the three above comments today (and it’s not even noon yet).
Want to know what you SHOULD say?
Try “You look great” or even “You look so happy” (if you just can’t bear to lie to my swollen, broken out, tired face).
I know I’m preaching to the choir here (how many of you have been in my position?), but y’all, comments about a women’s size or weight are NEVER appropriate. People don’t typically walk up to a non-pregnant woman and say things like “You’ve gained a lot of weight, huh?” But something about pregnancy makes people completely lose their filter. And you know who is the worst about it? Women just one or two life-stages ahead. Have they seriously forgotten what it feels like to walk around carrying a watermelon and have people stare almost exclusively at your stomach, or are they just trying to get revenge from the things people said to them however many years ago?
Lord, please let me remember these days and treat younger pregnant women with kindness and gentleness when my stage has passed. Amen
Feeling grateful, healthy, excited, and (very) big,
I felt like a circus side show about my last 2-3 months of pregnancy. I also hated how everyone stared at me.
No one wants to be commented on about something that is not in their control ( how you carry a baby).
Nikki Miller says
Did your students comment on your belly?
My fav unsolicited comments always came from my middle school students.
Two Gems worth sharing:
“Wow, Mrs. Miller you uterus is getting rather large, you know, because the baby doesn’t grow in your stomach, we learned that in science.”
“I can see your belly button through your dress…. GROSS”
This makes me feel a little bit better because one of my good friends is pregnant and I always feel weird because I never make it the center of our conversations. When everyone else is all like, “ohhhh babbbyyy!!!” and I’m just like, “I have no clue how to talk about babiesssss,” that feels awkward ha.
I’m sorry people are being meanies today 🙁 and not even knowing it! ah.
My favorite was the same dude at work who said to me every day for my last month of pregnancy, “You still haven’t had that baby?” or “You’re still here?”
The pregnancy comments actually didn’t annoy me nearly as much as the people who felt it was necessary to comment every time they saw me going to pump or cleaning my pump parts like I should have been embarassed.
One of my Facebook friends just posted this:
“To the woman at Michaels who insisted that I have my doctor “check again” to see if I’m having twins because there’s “no way there’s only one in there”; I hate you.”
People everywhere really need to learn some common sense!
Amanda K. says
the comments almost seem ridiculous because they’re so cliche, but people REALLY DO say these rude things! it’s crazy!! i also like post-baby comments. like, “when is your baby due?”…when you’ve already had the baby.
the other side of the coin, i have a friend who is very tall and very slender and she really doesn’t get big. people often make comments about her size bc she’s so tiny, even far along, and it makes her worry that the baby is ok, growing well, etc. (even though her dr. says all is well).
so either way, the only appropriate comment is a positive one! you look great!
I can see how people can take offense to those things, obviously they’re not the smartest comments to make. I have to say though, I was never really bothered by them. I was pregnant, yeah, I was going to get big. They weren’t telling me anything I didn’t know, and I couldn’t see why I should let them to put a damper on my day. And even if they said I was going to deliver any day didn’t make it true, so I just brushed it off. I had a hard time getting pregnant though, so maybe that’s why I was on cloud nine no matter what anyone said to me. I think I probably wore my bigness like a badge of honor haha.
Isn’t it funny how people seem to have this involuntary reflex to speak to pregnant women. There’s this strange compulsion that seems to make them feel obligated to acknowledge the pregnancy. People are so awkward.
Almost worse (“almost” because the comment is not directed at me) are the comments my son makes about the “baby in her belly” while pointing at an obviously not pregnant, obese woman. He’s done this several times. I just pretend to not have seen the woman and walk faster.
So true!! Why do people feel the need to speculate on the baby’s size??? I’m sure you look great 🙂