I figure by this point those of you that are still reading don’t come here to be motivated and impressed every month… I take my responsibility to make you feel good about how ever little you are accomplishing (i.e going to work and feeding the kids 90% of the time) and, therefore, have been quite consistent in my setting and NOT reaching goals thus far this year. March was no exception… 😉
All joking aside, March was an epic failure in most areas of my life. (Here’s the place where I ask you to forgive me for being such a whiney grump. I absolutely know I have a million things to be thankful for and that there are plenty of people WAY worse off than me. Everything is seriously just fine, but I did have a pretty bad month. )
It almost makes me sad to read my goals post from the first of the month when I talked about all the fun things we had coming up now that I know the reality – at least one person in our house (and usually more than one) was sick every single day of March’s 31. Nora’s birthday, my birthday, and almost the whole spring break was spent wiping snotty noses, administering meds, and – frankly – having a pity party for myself. We didn’t even get to have Nora’s birthday party that I planned all month because our house was germ infested and the guest of honor had a fever on party day. Also, by my estimation, it has been close to 40 nights since I slept more than five hours in a row.
Yea, I’ve been super fun to be around.
ALL THAT TO SAY: As far as I’m concerned, March didn’t even happen. (Yay for being 31 and Nora staying 11 months for another year!) I won’t be recapping my goals or sharing any progress from March (spoiler alert: there was NONE), but I will be starting fresh with a new plan and a new perspective in April.
So first, the perspective:
I had a physical over Spring Break, and I told my doctor that I really understand why so many moms “let themselves go” when they have young kids. I never thought I’d be that way, but I totally don’t prioritize making time to exercise, hang out with friends, or, heck, even wash my face before bed. I choose convenience over health when it comes to food a lot of the time, and I’ve been getting way too little sleep and drinking way too much caffeine for far too long now. Worst of all, I am frazzled and moody, and I worry that no one – especially my kids – is getting the best of me.
We’ve all heard that we have to “secure our own oxygen mask first,” and that we’ll be “better moms when we take care of ourselves,” but the truth is that some days (or weeks or months) that feels darn near impossible. I accept survival-mode, and tell myself I’ll catch up “one day.”
If nothing else, I think March broke me a little and made me realize that I CANNOT live in survival-mode. I HAVE to make some changes.
But with that – as I preach to others all the time – comes A LOT OF GRACE.
I want to be cool and tell you I don’t care that I never meet the goals I post on this blog and that it doesn’t bother me when everyone else in the world seems to be knocking things off their lists like crazy – but I do, and it does. I get jealous. I get frustrated that other people seem to do so much, and I am barely making it a lot of the time. I get embarrassed and ashamed. I wonder what is wrong with me that I can’t just get.it.together.
Deep down, I know that my goals and “To Do” list don’t define me, but it is SO easy to let them a lot of the time.
You know what I would tell my best friend if she told me she was feeling discouraged and disappointed because she “failed” at her plans every month? I’d tell her she needed to stop making such stupid goals.*
*All goals aren’t stupid, but when the basic things like sleep and exercise and quality time with your people aren’t being taken care of, things like updating a gallery wall or organizing the laundry room are pretty dumb.
So… I’ m taking the B+ philosophy to heart in April…
This month, I’m going to focus on taking care of myself, and that’s ALL.
I want to exercise more.
I want to rush less.
I want to sleep more and drink less coffee.
I want to spend more time reading books and coloring and taking walks with my kids, and tell them to “wait” or “hurry” less.
I want to pray and read and spend time with friends more and worry about cleaning and “doing” less.
And, at the end of the month, I want to be proud of myself for doing what matters and saying no to the things that don’t.